fantastic four!

Dear Jack--

Someday, when you can't wait to greet your daddy at the door for a game of touch rugby, I want to remember this time in your life--this period that is bittersweet in its brevity--in which the sun (or is it son?) rises and sets between you and me. Your little face is the first one I really see each morning and mine is often the last you see at night. That said, you hate to go to bed. You get this from me. Your daddy does not mind bedtime one single bit and on the rare occasion that he does fall asleep on the couch before he takes himself off to his room, it takes only a word or two and he shuffles away. You are not like this. You require more than a gentle nudge. You require lulling and singing and bouncing and shushing and still sometimes we find that the best thing is to let you tire yourself out (just a little) with tears before bedtime. Believe me, I understand the urge to fight it. I have been rebelling against bedtime for decades now. I have also been tired for about 25 years. So, I try to be patient with you because I know that even when you can't keep your eyes open, it's nice to feel like you are still in the thick of things, that you won't miss out on anything good, that you are safely within arm's reach of the action. For this reason, as we jiggle and rock and lay down beside you, I often find myself whispering in your ear that you are indeed safe and snug.

After all, we haven't given up swaddling you--even though you are probably getting too long and strong for this. It's just that your startle reflex still seems strong and it causes your little arms to fly over your head and wake you up at the sound of a loud laugh. And baby, there's plenty to laugh about in this house!

Actually, while you have a smile for just about everyone, you have been slow to laugh. We've gotten a couple of "heh heh"s out of you, but only after dancing around and shaking our heads like fools. Basically, you go in big for physical humor at the moment. On the other hand, you aren't really a fan of other people's laughter. Several times this month, a group of people has started to laugh around you and it makes you jump and cry. I am reminded of how it felt to say something in a crowd of grown-ups and have them burst out laughing when I meant to be serious. It can be hard to be a kid.

You're beginning to hold your own though--and some of my stuff along with it! You reached for some papers on my desk the other day and it was one more reminder of why your days at the office are numbered. (even though we really do love having you there. you have won the heart of even the most hardened baby-digusted. it's that cheeky little smile.) I'm excited that you'll spend the summer with Daddy and I'm excited to be able to type out a four line email in under an hour again, but I will miss you all day long. I just know it.

Anyway, you reach for things and grab them and bring them to your mouth. Often, you look like a puppy with a chew toy as you shake your head and a sad stuffed bunny writhes between your gums. (As an aside, I fear you may be an early teether.) You are ferocious in your determination to get what you want or to get going.

When things get really tough and you just won't settle, we take a walk outside. You watch for birds and cats and squirrels and suddenly you are quiet and contemplative. This makes me think that Daddy's prediction about you (before you were even born) could well come true. You may just be an eco warrior based in Australia. Well, if you are an eco warrior in Australia, little bunny, I will be peace that brings you home again. At least for Christmas!

love you always and always,
mommy